Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
