i wish my penis had a tongue
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
