In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i've created a new STD.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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