forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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