you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
His nipple licking is glorious
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