You made me cry and you don't even care
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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