I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
