just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
