I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
