Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
