Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
