So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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