Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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