loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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