I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
