I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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