I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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