jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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