i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
