The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
