He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
