drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
