I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
