And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
