drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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