Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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