my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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