Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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