The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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