"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
