I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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