FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
