Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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