Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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