I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize