i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
