"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
