So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
