Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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