Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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