alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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