Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
