i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
