So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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