The best revenge is premature balding
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
