I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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