I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
