Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
