I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
