I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
