The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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