Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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