just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
