Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You don't make any sense
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