Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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