Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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