you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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