So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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