we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
