Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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