he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
