sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
