Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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