I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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