Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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