My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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