Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
