apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
