I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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