in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
