But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
