I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
