kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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