So drunk its hurt
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
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I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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