dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
