Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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