in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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