Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
